Luis Suarez didn’t deliberately bite opponent; also has a bridge to sell you

We don’t ever cover soccer.

It’s not even an independent category in our sports tags. I have to type the word “soccer” in the other tag section.

I posted one bit about the U.S. Men’s team losing to Germany yet advancing to the next round in the World Cup, and this seems to be most we’ve ever covered about the sport even if it’s minimal at best.

Anyway this story was all over the place where Uruguay’s Luis Suarez bit (yes, as in “Mike Tyson” bit) Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini in their match-up on Tuesday (Uruguay won 1-0).

Well, in a letter that Suarez addressed to FIFA officials, he stated:

In no way it happened how you have described, as a bite or intent to bite

Suarez went on to explain how he lost his balance and fell on top of Chiellini face-first, causing pain in Saurez’s teeth and leaving a bruise on his cheek.

However, the panel reviewing this incident didn’t buy Suarez’s story and fined him $100,000 and was banned from nine Uruguay matches and four months from soccer.

Okay, so here’s my pro wrestling tie-in….

Vince McMahon can book this guy and call him “Bite” and his catchphrase would be “Bite Me… Or I’ll Bite You!”

Can you see Vince in his office with Suarez sitting at the desk signing a contract as Vince yells, “HE’S GONNA BITE! HE’S GONNA BITE!!!” as Triple H is off to the side with his hand in his face, stress-rubbing away?

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4 thoughts on “Luis Suarez didn’t deliberately bite opponent; also has a bridge to sell you

  1. Trust me, If people continue biting other people and denying it, soccer will be added to the categories section ASAP!

    PS. I didn’t bite him, he just inserted part of himself between my teeth.

  2. He’s had a half arsed apology today which, it is rumoured, Barcelona insisted upon if he were to continue transfer negotiations with Liverpool over his sale.

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